Good Talk

Are you in Control ?

9 février 2019

« As my awareness increases, my control over my own being increases » William Schutz.

A lot of people nowadays wake up in the morning and have millions of things going on in their minds, and whatever excites them, makes them feel good is rejected to stick to a program. You drink your coffee, go to the same place, do the same shit, you get bored in the middle of that endless «Boujee» conversation and before you realize it, you gave up the day to nurture a routine, you gave up your passion for a program… and this behavior constantly makes you feel insignificant, more and more detached from reality and less anchored, less present because nothing out of it makes you feel alive. The thing is, we always train ourselves to find excuses, waiting for things to get straight to allow ourselves to be happy, like if it was an immoral state to smile when there is drama elsewhere.

I always thought that everything had to be balanced in order to start doing things I was passionate about and it was mind blowing how time flew by because I was too busy handling other fires and waiting for everything to be perfectly arranged in order to simply start doing things I love. Recently, I promised myself that I wouldn’t waste anymore time, because there will always be things to handle, problems to solve, and excuses to use, so I committed myself that, no matter the things that are going on, one hour a day,  I stop everything to either, go to dance or read a book, write something or simply take a look around me and feed my soul, because I know there is a solution and I will find it at some point, but at the moment, right now, I couldn’t keep up with the pressure if I didn’t allow myself to breath a quick moment. What it does is that, at the end of the day, even thought something is not solved, I actually did something that made feel good about myself, whatever that is for you, you need to seek that little moment in your journey because it is a fuel to your endurance and it changes your whole mindset.

The more we put our bodies into action, real action that is grounded around progress, the brain feeds its survival trait, a trait that often cripples us because our brain was not designed to make us feel good or happy, it is old, it is programmed to survive and to fight threats and this is why, when there is no physical or real threat, our brain starts searching for fake problems, something to fight, something to survive to. You need to rewire your mind, train your reactions like a muscle because, the moment we are aware of our subconscious behavior, we can learn to control it. 

I see a lot of people, all the time, speaking about their lives through a state of emotion. When people are experiencing things where they feel unhappy or uncomfortable, they rely their whole life on that emotion, because society tends to marginalize suffering, and people feel like pain, unworthiness are the only valid emotions, the perfect example for me, is when I see employees that really hate Monday morning and seek desperately for the weekend to smile, I feel like this behavior really became a trend, especially in France, like if it was normal to hate his job and be happy two days a week … What ?! If you are in the same game, then you are in serious rut and you need to change your mindset and your environment.

What you need to understand is that emotions are reflections of our experiences with different people, different places, different tastes and human nature tends to transfer inner emotions, to rehearse them in the external world, we reflect our fear of abandoning in relationships, we reflect our fear of judgement by judging others, we reflect our fear of loneliness in friendships… a lot of time, the way we treat others depends on the way we treat ourselves, sometimes it is just a reflection of the unconscious fears buried inside of us that we didn’t face yet. 

To be aware of yourself is the primary thing to everything else, because you can’t change anything without being conscious about it first, so take a look at yourself, have a self talk and dive deep down your roots to understand your strengths and weaknesses, point them, define them, allow some to grow and temper some others, so you can be fully aware of  who you are and what you want, that leads to learning how to be IN CONTROL, which means that you’re not letting your thoughts or emotions dictate your whole behavior in a way which you find yourself completely overwhelmed, you control your emotions not the opposite. Self awareness game is a subject that I am really passionate about because it literally changed my whole perspective of how I handle things. For example, when people end up their relationships or face a bankruptcy or anything that led to an emotional crisis, they usually got the same reaction, and that is to point out somebody else’s fault, which is actually the best way to end up in a complete mess. Do you realize that, by saying, « it’s his/her fault » you’re basically putting your capacity of judgment and your ability to think, in someone else’s hands ? It is insane… people need to take responsibility for what happens in their lives. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that you have to beat yourself up by saying, « it’s my fault », it is totally different, «Taking the responsibility» means that, whatever happens in your life, you ACCEPT IT and YOU are IN CHARGE of it, so that way, you’re settling a mindset that says « This is my life and everything that I am in charge of, I can handle it and I can change it» you choose to be in a relationship, you choose to associate yourself with other people in business, etc. 

One of the most performing tools that I’ve experienced around that, is meditation. I feel like there is so much biased thinking and judgmental looks towards this practice, but Meditation, when it’s done properly can bring you so much growth, control and perspective, it is like a sport for the soul, the brain and the inner warrior that is in you. 

So, you’ve got it?  First of all, to be in control means that you need to know yourself first, embrace your inner world to extract the power out of it, and second of all, do things that passionate you, talk about things that matter to you and share your life with people you value and worth your time and energy in order to grow your self esteem and be in control of your conscious and unconscious behavior. To wrap it up, if you’re in a position where you are surrounded by negativity and people shutting down your light, you really need to escape that environment and change your surroundings, eliminate any toxic energy from your inner circle because what or who you allow into your zone tells a lot about yourself and your vision. 

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